Everything is so so heavy.

January. Bitches. It's rough. I have some wonderful things to look forward to...but also...you know. It's a rough time to be living life as an empath. My anxiety is through the roof, depression folds over me frequently like a stratus cloud turned weighted blanket that smothers instead of comforts. I am on day 11 of 12 1/3. It's probably going to be my last really long streak of work because our trainees are due to be released in early spring. I have been trying so hard to make enough for the trip - but every day I worry more that in 2027 we won't be able to travel. Dealing with the aging of my dog has been rough too. I think especially lately since I have been leaving him home alone for long periods and I feel like he deserves better.

It's a lot. I am glad I have my therapist to vent to about my worries and my job stresses and my worry the rest of my life will be spent in a moral push pull between my care for humanity and my need to survive. I am surrounded by people it is hard to respect like I did in the past. I haven't lost my care for anyone, but respect? That's just been shattered all to hell.

Mom wanted to see Peter Noone in December and I bought those tickets already. They were already half sold out! She is very excited and it's around her birthday so hopefully I can figure out a way to tie that into her birthday/Christmas gift. Am I going to write to Peter Noone's people? Probably. lol.

I haven't started my 2026 round of color palettes because I am working with the local theatre again which is super exciting. I was asked to be stage manager but I cannot devote the time because of work and the opening being right around my birthday. Instead I am helping with stage dressing and costumes. I already have basic ideas and have ordered a few things - but am really excited to talk to the cast about their thoughts - we meet on Thursday. There is a fire chief character and lucky for me, I know one of those! He said he can pull a few pieces of turnout gear for the theatre to borrow for the production and that not only saves me money, but also will look way more awesome than what I could possibly source.

Time to go do the rest of my taxes and have rounds 2 and 3 of coffee. Take care internet people.