Experiences that make life sublime.

It’s been a long time since I posted. This past week I have been off from work and it’s been the best week in a long time. Bestie and I went on our annual birthday trip to Cleveland. She got a tattoo in the memory of her mother, we ate well, had appropriate amounts of drinks for ladies of a certain age who may have almost poisoned themselves a few months prior - and I got to be face to face with a whole room of Redon’s lithographs.

I cannot explain how emotional it was. And it wasn’t even his pastels or paintings! But these were prints - hand pulled and limited edition lithographs. Signed. And there was no glass. I could see the texture of the ink and get up close enough to see the energy and strokes I love so much. I got a laugh at a rendition of a building that looked so much like my own - not a fan of straight lines are we Odilon? I feel ya.

She also told me that they will be doing a show of his work in Connecticut next year starting in February. I know I am saving for the big trip but I need to figure out a way to get there. Redon is my soul artist. It’s not just liking things visually it’s a deep emotional connection I feel with his works and his world. I don’t know what it is. But I think there may be a chance I get something inspired by him as a tattoo someday.

I felt shaky for a while afterward. I am still floating in clouds and wanting to reach for the pastels and charcoals again. There is so much trauma and emotion tied up in wanting to do work but feeling inadequate - stunted - knowing there is more beneath the surface than I usually let loose - and then the fear that maybe it’s never been there at all.

Art to me is a glimpse into another world beyond the intellect. Something that is both otherworldly and strangely human. Every artist has a language and whatever language Redon spoke I feel it in my gut of who I am as a person and an artist.

Also - I got a massage and almost cried. She stretched my overworked body and it felt like a heavenly release. God how I wish I was wealthy and I could self care like that on the regular. It was amazing.

I also finished another Olga Suvorova puzzle and about 3/4 of Kristin’s puzzle. It was exactly the kind of relaxing get away I was hoping for.

One more day left - slowly working on making my environment more livable. A lot has happened. New doctors. New meds. Spring attempting to approach, but with caution - and wind.

I should get back into my color cube soon. But I also want to get back into natural media because I crave the smell and feeling of pastel on paper and paint on canvas. I have felt blocked for so long, not like me, submitting to the cog in the corporate machine world of consumption and complacency. But I want to experience more than the mundane because I AM more than mundane.

Time to sleep. Reset. One more day for some chores and getting my house straight and my mind back on track (hopefully). Much love to everyone out there. Keep creating and connecting and exploring. There is a lot of beauty in things people glance over.