I took the drugs and the drugs are working.

No, not like...DRUGS DRUGS.

Obviously - I work for the PoPo. No. My family doctor broke down and told me I needed to see a psychiatrist because he wasn't sure what else to do with me and I couldn't get my anxiety and depression and mood swings under control. He believes that if I get my brain right apparently all the weight will fall off and my pain will go away or something. Why not give it a try?

So - I went to the head shrink. She believes I have a definite mood disorder, so she gave me an intro dose to a medication that is a mood stabilizer. Ladies and Gentleman, wtf. I have - will to live. I have - energy to do things. I spend days not abhoring myself. My brain can focus better. I don't know how to explain it but I feel - evened out. And thats the part that kills me - because I am waiting for the anxiety and the racing thoughts or the suicidal thoughts to come back or the days where I cannot leave the house of my own volition. If I don't have obligations or people to instigate me to move...why? I don't have that anymore. At least not to the same extent as before. I also broke down and ordered HRT to see if it helps with some of these perimenopause symptoms. Being a lady is GREAT.

I am trying to walk more for Disney and also because it makes me feel better. I haven't felt this decent mentally and emotionally in a while. It's refreshing but I also get scared it cannot last because I am not used to consistency. lol

There still seems to be so much to do and so little time to do it. Keeping up with the house, exercise, 12 hour shifts, etc. It's just a lot and I don't know how everyone does it. My ADD is still ADDing and I have no external forces making me focus and do the things. Nobody coming over to the house? Meh, it can stay a mess. I still get a bit overwhelmed, don't know where to start so end up....not.

Overtime at work has picked up again and I got roped into training one of our newer hires so I get a lot less time at work to doodle or read etc.

Basically just taking it day by day. I want to get back into my color cubes but I just am having trouble finding the time at the moment. They will be there when I am ready though, that's what I keep telling myself.

Day by day, bitches.

Find something beautiful in each day.